(no subject)

[speakveryclearly]

KANAYA MARYAM:

And Here I Naively Thought Myself To Have Finally Deduced The Sociological Significance Of Light And Darkness In Earth Culture

HARUKA TAKAHASHI:

Surprise!

KANAYA MARYAM:

Those Never Run Out Do They

Be Prepared To Engage In This Sort Of Meaningless Yet Amusing Semantic Banter As I Give Your Question Some Serious Thought

Since I Can Think Of Multiple Paths To An Answer And Am Not Sure Which One To Take

HARUKA TAKAHASHI:

It may be a time-waster, but your first instinct is usually right, for something like this.

KANAYA MARYAM:

Well

Light Is My Favorite I Guess Even Though I Dont Feel Like I Really Wield It Myself

Its Sort Of Like If You Asked Me To Pick

A Twilight Character

Have You Read That

HARUKA TAKAHASHI:

I have a passing familiarity, sure.

KANAYA MARYAM:

Okay

If Asked To Pick A Favorite Character I Would Probably Select Edward Or Alice

As I Find Them To Be Humorous And Charming And Overall Interesting And Sympathetic

But Just To Pick A Character

I Would Probably Select Bella Instead

As The Author Intended It Is Very Easy To Get Into Her Shoes Especially For Me

With Her Literary And Analytical Nature Of Discretion And Self-Sacrifice

KANAYA MARYAM:

So The Former And Not The Latter Would Be More Analogous To the Light Choice

Im Probably Going To Keep That Answer Since On The Alternative Path Id Select Earth And Thats Just An Uncomfortable Choice To Make For Reasons With Which Im Sure Youre More Than Passingly Familiar

HARUKA TAKAHASHI:

The terminology is a little human-experience-centric. "Earth" doesn't have to mean the human planet Earth. If it's easier, you can substitute with ground, or soil, or stone, or rock.

HARUKA TAKAHASHI:

I could see that for you.

KANAYA MARYAM:

Probably The Sense Of Ground Is What Id Take

Have You Picked One Yourself

HARUKA TAKAHASHI:

I'm wavering.

KANAYA MARYAM:

Ah

Im Beginning To See A Possible Motivation For Your Posting

HARUKA TAKAHASHI:

No, no, don't misunderstand me! I'm not asking to find an answer for myself. I'm just bored.

KANAYA MARYAM:

Why Is That

Has Perhaps Your Susceptibility To Illness Reared Its Ugly Head

Theres Been Something Going Around

Its Suspicious

HARUKA TAKAHASHI:

How is it suspicious? I get sick all the time.

KANAYA MARYAM:

No Thats Not Suspicious If Anything Id Be More Dubious Of A Claim You Were Currently Right As Rain

Whats Suspicious Is The Sheer Pervasiveness Of This Disease And Its Disregard For Social Groups

Rather It Seems That Almost Everyone In Exsilium Has Been Exposed Somehow

And Im Not Sure Whether Im Employing Hyperbole

HARUKA TAKAHASHI:

Kanaya

As far as we TransPorts go, we mostly all live in the same building, right?

Someone sneezes in a cramped elevator, and you'll spread germs to just about everyone in the building within hours.

KANAYA MARYAM:

I Guess

But The Native Exiles Also Seem Affected

Dont You Find That Odd

HARUKA TAKAHASHI:

No?

Should I? Between the tight proximity, and the constant influx of germs from new *planets,* it should be more surprising when people aren't sick. At least, that's how it seems to me.

KANAYA MARYAM:

Maybe Youre Right

Im Just Thinking Of It As If

Julys Wave Of Transports Actually Contained Numerous Cases Of Jet Lag

Wouldnt That Be Suspicious Even Though It Should Be Less Surprising

HARUKA TAKAHASHI:

No...?

KANAYA MARYAM:

Well It Should Because Even Though Its Been Four Waves Since Your Arrival Its Still Almost Never Happened

And I Say Almost Only Because I Dont Want To Exclude The Possibility Theres Been An Incident Of Which I Remain Personally Unaware

HARUKA TAKAHASHI:

Infrequency isn't impossibility.

KANAYA MARYAM:

It Isnt

That Doesnt Mean It Cant Make Me Uneasy

But Maybe Im Being Irrationally Suspicious

KANAYA MARYAM:

Youd Be Rubbing Off On Me In That Case

HARUKA TAKAHASHI:

Hah, well, I suppose that's not a bad thing, in this case. I could easily be wrong, you know.

KANAYA MARYAM:

I Hope Youre Not

Wrong That Is

Because If Im Right This Would Be A Matter Of Quite Some Concern

HARUKA TAKAHASHI:

Well, if I drop dead from it, then it's definitely suspicious.

KANAYA MARYAM:

Does Earths Technology Cover That Sort Of Cause Or Only Sudden Trauma

Thats Something Ive Never Really Had The Opportunity To Find Out

Or Old Age Either For That Matter

HARUKA TAKAHASHI:

Hm? What do you mean by that?

KANAYA MARYAM:

If You Did Get Sick And Die Here Do You Think You Would Come Back

HARUKA TAKAHASHI:

I don't know. It depends on how desperate the Initiative is to keep me around, isn't that right? They're the ones who drag people from the dead, aren't they?

KANAYA MARYAM:

Yeah

It Seems To Be A Service They Perform Invariably Though Except In The Case Of Adam Jensen Where The United Earth Made It Impossible

And I Doubt You Of All People Would Be The One From Whom It Would Be Withheld Considering They Took The Risk Of Your Recruitment In The First Place

HARUKA TAKAHASHI:

Me, of all people, who deliberately refuses to help them?

KANAYA MARYAM:

You Of All People Indeed

Its Funny That In The Conspiracy You Theorize Where Our Selection Was Purposeful

They Must Have Chosen You Knowing Full Well That The Jewel Of Your Heart Would Not Rest Easily In This New Setting Within The Royals Crown

HARUKA TAKAHASHI:

I know my strengths. If they know them, too, then ours is a gamble of time.

HARUKA TAKAHASHI:

But I am surly, and stubborn, and paranoid. My heart will not be so easily conquered.

KANAYA MARYAM:

In That Case The Initiative Is Probably Grateful Time Is One Of The Very Few Resources That Can Even Sometimes Be Considered Remotely Reliably In Their Disposal

[KANAYA MARYAM filtered this thread to herself and HARUKA TAKAHASHI.]

KANAYA MARYAM:

Though I Have A Conspiracy Theory Of My Own

I Think I Know Why Youre Here

HARUKA TAKAHASHI:

Oh? Their reason for choosing me, you mean?

KANAYA MARYAM:

Yes I Have Developed A Conspiracy Theory Of My Own

Its Pretty Much Hyperbolic Like All Conspiracy Theories Are But Im Going To See About The Completing Piece Of Corroboration Anyway

On May Twenty-First You Were In Neither The Battlefield Nor Its Inevitable Sequel The Medical Bay Were You

HARUKA TAKAHASHI:

Right.

KANAYA MARYAM:

I Suspected As Much

And I Cant Really Blame You

However I Think That Was Allowed To Happen For Reasons Beyond Those Of Your Allegiance Itself

KANAYA MARYAM:

The Initiative Does Not Share The Naive Belief Found In Some Corners Of Your Civilization That Children Belong Nowhere But A School

And The Initiative Also Could Not Possibly Fool Itself Into Thinking The Bow They Gave You Would Actually Be Of All That Much Use Especially In Your Hands

Yet Your Almost Entirely Unparalleled Intuition For The Types Of Situations We Encounter Here

Which Puts Even Two-Time Interdimensional Grubnappees To Shame

Your Capacity For Analyzing Every Single Aspect Of Either The Initiative Or United Earths Motivations

That Is Something Desirable For Which You Could Be Conscripted

KANAYA MARYAM:

Your Situation Reminds Me Of

A Speculative Story About The Game That Would Bring About The End Of Alternian Civilization Or As It Is Colloquially Called Troll Enders Game

Ender Also Being The Nickname Of Andrew Wiggin Who Is The Viewpoint Character Despite His Status As Antagaonist As His Mammalian Species Is At War With Alternia As We Threatened To Annihilate Their Planet Once

Contains Cliched Secret Recognition Of The Main Character As The Only Hope Of His Race And So When It Is His Turn To Enter Combat Training He Rises Through The Ranks As His Overseers Provide Him With Extraordinary Rule-Defying Challenges Befitting His Gifts

And Is Placed Into A Simulation Of Enormous Scope Eventually Commanding An Entire Army

When They Reach The Troll Homeworld He Destroys The Entire Planet Unaware At The Time That This Was Not A Simulation And He Was Commanding A Real Army That Really Doomed An Entire Real Race And The Mother Grub In Fact Resided Underground There

Exhausted By His Experiences He Abandons This Ruthless Military And Returns To His Home Planet Where His Dearly Beloved Auspistice Valentine And Their Sociopathic Third Party Peter Have Come To Dominate Political Discourse And He Cant Actually Return Home

At The End Though He Finds The Matriorb Meaning The Troll Race May Be Restored After All And Also So Troll Orson Scott Card Would Not Be Culled For His Unconventional Views On Procreation

KANAYA MARYAM:

Obviously Thats A Conspiracy Theory And I Seriously Doubt You Were Actually Forced By The Initiative To Fight Two Armies With One Or Accidentally Killed Two People Or Any Of That Works More Extreme Events Or Have A Special Relationship With The Virtual Reality Machines

What I Do Believe In All Seriousness About Your Recruitment Should It Have Been Anything More Than Accidental Is That

You Belonged In Neither Of Those Places Where Everyone Else Spent That Day

But Rather The Control Room

HARUKA TAKAHASHI:

So, if I have this straight... you believe I was brought here to be some sort of, I suppose, strategic intelligence officer?

KANAYA MARYAM:

Well Thats One Way Of Putting It But I Would Have Used A Term More Like Commander

HARUKA TAKAHASHI:

I suppose it might be possible.

HARUKA TAKAHASHI:

But, so long as they're keeping me from what I want, then they'll never win my help with anything.

KANAYA MARYAM:

What Do You Want

HARUKA TAKAHASHI:

To go back.

KANAYA MARYAM:

Wouldnt You Be The Perfect Transport To Eventually Be Placed Into A Position Of Power

After Months Of Noncooperation

Making What Would From You Have To Be A Purely Rational And Perhaps Even Selfish Decision

That The Only Way To Guarantee You Get What You Want Is The United Earths Defeat And The End Of The War

Which Is Either True If Our Arrivals And Departures Really Cannot Be Controlled Meaning Hoping To Just Leave By Chance Could Not Be Assured

Or Else Just Exactly What The Initiative Wants You To Think

HARUKA TAKAHASHI:

Like I said. If they know my strengths, then ours is the gamble of time—of who can be more patient, or more stubborn. Whether they will surrender, and send me back, or whether I will, and join their cause.

HARUKA TAKAHASHI:

And I will not be beaten by something so flimsy as time.

KANAYA MARYAM:

Id Point Out That With The Recent Reforms Getting An Actual Position Where Your Strengths Would Be Recognized And Fairly Compensated Might Not Even Be That Hard

But I Know Such Things Hold No Sway Over Your Sort Of Soul No Matter How Closely They May Cater To Your Less Than Impoverished Sensibilities

So What If I Pointed Out Instead That On May Twenty-First We All Learned "Back" May Not Be So Straightforward A Proposition As Some Of Us Would Like To Think

HARUKA TAKAHASHI:

I'm well aware of what happened, in that one case.

But, tell me, how many names, how many Network Accounts are deactivated every month?

How many times do people mysteriously disappear, presumed returned to their original, or previous, times and worlds and universes?

How many people have you lost here?

KANAYA MARYAM:

A Lot

Weve Really Been Hemorrhaging Trolls Lately

KANAYA MARYAM:

What About You

Have You Allowed Yourself To Consider Any Of The Departures A Loss

Or Are You Even Now Waiting To Wake Up

HARUKA TAKAHASHI:

No. Nobody worth crying over.

KANAYA MARYAM:

Im Not Surprised

From What Ive Gathered You Dont Even Have Any Worldmates Here

The Almost Mandatory Corollary Of That Though Is A Lack Of Anyone Whom You Would Ever Allow Yourself To Consider Worth Crying Over

Which Sounds Strategically Sound But Terribly Lonely

HARUKA TAKAHASHI:

It's not so bad for me. I'm used to being on my own.

KANAYA MARYAM:

You Didnt Live That Way Before Though

HARUKA TAKAHASHI:

?

KANAYA MARYAM:

You Werent Very Clear About It But Didnt You Formerly Live On The Top Floor Of A Tall Building Accompanied By At Least One Other Person

Whom You Described As Having A Fondness For Alliginators And Poor Personal Hygeine

HARUKA TAKAHASHI:

Oh, that was after I was moved to New York. That was only a few years ago, so, even living with those guys, that doesn't make me unused to a greater isolation.

KANAYA MARYAM:

Whats New York

It Doesnt Sound Like A Location In Japan

HARUKA TAKAHASHI:

It's not. It's a city on the eastern seaboard of the United States of America. North American continent.

KANAYA MARYAM:

Id Been Under The Impression You Were From Japan

Or Is That The Location From Which You Moved Then

HARUKA TAKAHASHI:

That's right. I'm from Tokyo originally.

KANAYA MARYAM:

Im Sorry That I Havent Ever Learned Much About What Would Motivate Shifting Across Borders I Barely Understand In The First Place So Im Not Contextualizing This Very Well

HARUKA TAKAHASHI:

It wasn't by choice. Parents, business, that sort of thing. Even if I never saw them, it made them feel better if I was closer by.

KANAYA MARYAM:

So You Were Born In Japan

But Your Parents Moved To The United States

And Then After Such A Long Period Of Abandonment That The Part Of Your Life Endured In Isolation Is Long Relative To A Subsequent Few Years

They Sent For You To Come With Them

Though Not So That You Could Spend A Significant Proportion Of Your Time Together Under Their Direct Supervision And Not Just Indirect Protection

But Instead Allowed You To Reside In The Company Of Other Rather Dubious Individuals To Whom Your Omissions Indicate You Are Not Even Genetically Related

Inducing A General State Of Discontent In The Heart Of Haruka Takahashi Strong Enough That Upon Her Arrival Here In Spite Of Completely Detesting This New Situation She Must Acknowledge She Did Abhor Her Previous Life

KANAYA MARYAM:

How Much Of This Have I Misunderstood

HARUKA TAKAHASHI:

I didn't abhor it.

They didn't move there until later on; they traveled a lot, which is why they were never around. Then, when they planned to settle in NY, I went with them. We all lived together for about a year, two years, before they left me.

After that, I lived by myself for a very long time; those guys were people I knew who needed a place to stay. My parents never met them; there was no "allowing," because I don't seek permission from a person who doesn't love me.

KANAYA MARYAM:

This Has A Lot Of Discrepancies From What I Was Told About Human Familial Structures

But I Wont Pretend To Understand Those

What I Do Pretend To Understand Is That Abhor Is A Stronger Version Of

Dislike

HARUKA TAKAHASHI:

I know what abhor means.

KANAYA MARYAM:

Girl dislikes her situation, the way her life is going, the w­­­ay people treat her, wishes she were anywhere else but there.

KANAYA MARYAM:

What Way

Do You Want People To Treat You

HARUKA TAKAHASHI:

Ha ha ha ha.

HARUKA TAKAHASHI:

It isn't something you'll be able to understand. Not yet.

KANAYA MARYAM:

In That Case Would You Like To Hand Down A General Guideline So I Can At Least Make An Effort In The Right Direction

Or Is There Some Specific Benchmark You Have In Mind At Which Point Im Going To Come To An Epiphany About Our Relationship

HARUKA TAKAHASHI:

Oh

no

you care about me, don't you

don't do that that isn't a good idea

KANAYA MARYAM:

I Can Think Of Quite A Few Cases In Which Ive Cared About People Whom I Think It Was A Worse Idea To Care About Than It Would Be To Afford The Same Treatment To You

HARUKA TAKAHASHI:

I'm not eridan

but it's still a bad idea okay

KANAYA MARYAM:

Okay If I Were Who Almost Everyone I Care About But You Wants Me To Be

This Is The Part Where I Would Point Out That Nothing Could Have Been A Worse Idea Than That And That Im Incredibly Glad Hes Gone And Dead For Good So Really Any Caring Decision I Make From Here On Out Has To Be An Improvement Doesnt It

But Im Not Any Of The Above

Thats The Thing

Youre The Only Person I Know Who

Knows About Her

And Doesnt Want Me To Be Her

More Than That

You Actively Want Me To Not Be Her

Which Means So Much To Me

HARUKA TAKAHASHI:

Even poisons can be sweet sometimes.

KANAYA MARYAM:

Youre Telling Me

If You Think I Had Bad Judgment With Eridan You Know Nothing About Me And Gamzee

I Think At This Point Im Addicted To The Feeling Of Sensibility Slowly Sapping Away From Me

KANAYA MARYAM:

Theres One Thing I Learned From Both Of Those Affairs Though

And Thats How You Cant Control Who You Care About Or Whether They Fall Victm To The Same Folly

It Takes Two To Friend-Tango

Or Friendango You Might Say

So Dont Worry That Because Youve Unintentionally Lured Me Into Emotional Attachment That You Shouldnt Want To Leave For The Sake Of Hurting Me

If You Decide Not To Desire Departure On The Grounds Of Your Unbelievable Potential Intellectual Utility To The Initiative And By Extension The Entire Multiverse Thats Great

My Account Is Worthless Though In The Grand Scheme Of Things Though Since Im Not Her

What Im Saying Is You Shouldnt Care That I Care About You

HARUKA TAKAHASHI:

I'm not saying this as a kindness

but you're not worthless

KANAYA MARYAM:

Of Course Im Not

But My Feelings Are

HARUKA TAKAHASHI:

it's the same thing

KANAYA MARYAM:

Do You Think My Feelings Are Important

That Sounds Suspiciously Kind

HARUKA TAKAHASHI:

it's not

your feelings are what make you you

KANAYA MARYAM:

Okay Haruka I Really Dont Know How Can You Honestly Expect Someone To Believe Caring About You Is A Bad Idea When You Turn Around And Say Things Like That

If This Is Your Attempt To Dissuade Me Its Not Working At All

HARUKA TAKAHASHI:

ugh

I can't tell you waht to do or how to feel

but I know me and I know what happens to people who care about me

because they care about me

and I know that's not what you want

you've told me that

you didn't know that's what it menat at the time

but i did

KANAYA MARYAM:

Youve Acknowledged Before An Inability To Compel Me

KANAYA MARYAM:

Pretty Much Everything Else Is Shrouded In Mystery

KANAYA MARYAM:

Which Youre Apparently Doing On Purpose

KANAYA MARYAM:

What Do You Think I Dont Or Do Want

KANAYA MARYAM:

Ive Been Told Before That My Complacence In Exsilium Is Pretty Much A Symptom Of Perpetually Lowering Standards So Maybe Theyve Fallen Even Further Since Then

HARUKA TAKAHASHI:

you wont understand yet

KANAYA MARYAM:

Youre Implying That Condition Is Temporary And Conditional

Presumably Contingent On Some Information Youve Thus Far Not Revealed

And While I Respect Your Right To Privacy

Youre Making The Decision Of Whether Id Like You After That For Me

I Dont Know How To Type A Face This Confused And Incorporate A Glow At The Same Time So I Found This One

☆ヽ(☆(゜Q。)☆)ノ☆？

HARUKA TAKAHASHI:

im not making a decision im prediciting an outcome

like

its gonna rain tomorrow

im not deciding that but we bith nkow its true right

KANAYA MARYAM:

Youre Contradicting Yourself Theres Supposed To Be A Knowledge Discrepancy Here

To Fix Your Analogy

Youre Metaphorically Trying to Tell Me How In Exsilium It Literally Never Stops Raining And The Seasons Never Change

And I Am Metaphorically The Naive New Transport Insisting The Sun Has To Come Out At Some Point

In Your Analogy

Which Im Still Really Skeptical About

But In Your Analogy

HARUKA TAKAHASHI:

what

KANAYA MARYAM:

Haruka I Do Not Think Youre In Any Position To Be Making Analogies

HARUKA TAKAHASHI:

shut up am too

KANAYA MARYAM:

Youre Giving Me A Very Bad Idea That I Know Will Be Upsetting

What If I Find You

In Your Non-Analogy-Prone Condition

And

Take Care Of You

!

HARUKA TAKAHASHI:

don;t you dare

i'm not giving you my room number

KANAYA MARYAM:

Yeah Youve Moved That Is A Serious Flaw In This Plan

HARUKA TAKAHASHI:

ugh

im going back to bed

goodnight kanaya

KANAYA MARYAM:

Sweet Non-Dreams