Kanaya Maryam (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
speakveryclearly) wrote2032-09-30 06:52 pm
speakveryclearly) wrote2032-09-30 06:52 pmIC Contact
Apparently Im Too Busy To Even Talk To You Right Now
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speakveryclearly) wrote2032-09-30 06:52 pm
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Your Feelings You Say
Well Despite What Some Might Say About The Appropriateness Of Such Discussion
Im Definitely A Proud Advocate Of Having Ones Emotions Rationally Organized
Id Be Glad To Listen
[She's actually curious what this could be, because "sort of involve him" implies that her feelings about that troll have changed - and with... everyone Equius clashes with except for his kismesis himself significantly absent, she doubts Nepeta is considering an ashen flip, and she doubts they're considering a concupiscent quadrant either. So it must be something beyond her personal knowledge...]
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:33 < back in balamb garden
:33 < i broke up with the equius there
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(There's a third option she won't consider, yet. She's the best moirail of the group after all. The one everyone envies.)
So the choice Kanaya sees is either that Nepeta has been coerced and wants out... or just wants her aid in honesty. Decisions.]
Was That What You Wanted
Or Only What Was Best At The Time In That Place
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But he had never appeared, and she caved in. Then but three or four perigrees later, Time Compression finally deemed it worthy to being him to Gaea.
Here in Exsilium she found herself happy to be spending time with him, to be helping him, and seeing him smile---so different than how he had been when she broke up with him. Were those pale feelings, or feelings of friendship?]
:33 < at the time i wanted to
:33 < he was gone fur so long
:33 < i waited and hope that he would be brought back
:33 < but it was only after i have stopped that he finally returned
:33 < and you s33...in that time i developed f33lings fur someone else
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She won't ask whom. That would be prying and awful.)]
So He Came Into The Garden Expecting A Relationship That You Couldnt Provide Him Anymore Then
I See
It Takes A Lot Of Courage To Explain All These Discrepancies And I Know Myself It Can Seem Impossible To Correct Everything For Your Own Experience And Emotions
Which Isnt Less Valid Just Because Its So Often Invalidated
I Take It Then This Explanation Is One Of The Ones That Has Not Yet Been Made
To Him
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:33 < at first i kept telling myself i should
:33 < because he deserves to know
:33 < but i hated hurting him the first time
:33 < and didnt want to have to do that again
:33 < then the whole thing with vanadi happened and s33ing how hurt he was then
:33 < i decided to just try and do my best by him
:33 < because i just kept thinking
:33 < what if he gets sent away and another equius appears
:33 < will i have to hurt him a third time?
:33 < or if i get sent back home to gaea
:33 < these places just s33m like revolving doors
:33 < and you know what
:33 < ive b33n happy k33ping quiet and staying by him
:33 < i dont quite know if its a pale happy
:33 < or if im really the best person for him
:33 < but it was working fine
:33 < and i thought id let things remain the way they were but
:33 < now an iteration of the person i really do like
:33 < and got together with has appeared
:33 < and it has b33n making me all confused again
1/2
Isnt There
!!!!!!!!
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She Wont Listen
Ive Met Her Here And Shes As Alpha As They Come
Even Though I Really Think A Pale Relationship Between You Has The Potential To Be Much More Productive Than Either Of The Moirallegiances In Your Pasts
It Seems Like It Was Founded On A Shared History You No Longer Have With Any Member Of The Initiative
And
When That Emotional Background Diverges From The Blueprints Distributed In The Alpha Timeline
It Wont Be Accepted As Valid
Though Youre Probably Well-Positioned To Get Her Friendship Again At Least
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yea
yea youre right
i mean i knew it wouldnt be the same
but
[And she's really not sure what to add to that. To hear that this Vriska is so devoted to the Alpha timeline is disheartening.]
do you think i should tell equius anything?
or even if i dont plan to pursue vriska
do you think i should break up with him?
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By Determining
How Much Your Relationship With Him Puts Your Own Happiness At Risk
Whether Its Such A Distressing Circumstance To Be In That Youd Rather Become Alone In That Sense
Which Is Probably The Outcome On Which You Should Base Your Decision
Because Though I Do Think Its Entirely Possible If Very Far From Guaranteed That Vriska Could Recognize Your Charms And Fall Into Your Arms Anew And That This Could Be A Desirable Outcome For You
This Is Where The Common Thread Of Our Experience Splits In That Im Not In The Same Position Of Generally Having Pitied Ones Waiting For Me No Matter How The Door Revolves
Not To Mention My Acquaintance With Your Moirail And Ability To Predict His Reactions Does Not Exactly Go Far Either
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If she could be with this Vriska, who is clearly not the ones she has memories with, would she? Doubtless at their core they share similar personalities and traits, but they are still wholly different people. Kanaya was on the mark when she said the moirallegiance had come about because of their shared experience.
No matter how similar they may be, this was not the Vriska who had been there for nearly all three years of her time at Balamb. It was not the Vriska who had dragged out of bed each morning to go to classes, the one who had run her ragged to complete her homework and pass her classes. She was not the one who had tutored her, had toughened her up, had been there when she was at her worst after Equius' death and Gamzee's betrayal. She wasn't the one who had pulled a number of stupid, but well-intentioned schemes to try and hook her up with Karkat. She wasn't the one who Nepeta had driven up the wall by constantly breaking into her room and undoing her protective charms and never revealing how, she wasn't the one she had curled up with for so many nights and just listened to. No memories of bra shopping, of dealing with stupid hijinks that came about because of time compression, of beating sense into each other.
No. It wouldn't be the same no matter how she looked at it, but knowing that a Vriska was out there just reminded her of what she had lost.]
i guess ill have to think about it some more
youre right in that it wouldnt be the same
so i dont really know if id be happy with this vriska even if she were to reciprocate
and as you said the chances for that are very slim
but i think i should at least try to tell equius
and s33 how he takes it
and well
just go from there i guess
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Its Good That Youre Prepared To Try And Open To A Variety Of Outcomes
And Ill Back You Up If Anything Adverse At All Happens As A Result
I Think
That People Who Havent Been Pushed Around Like Us
Dont Realize How Hard It Is
To Be
Someone Youre Not
Because The Actual Level Of Difficulty That Task Has Is Impossible
Even If You Have The Same Reasons To Do What You Think
The Mind Is Almost As Fickle An Object As The Heart Or Spade Or Club Or Diamond
You Cant Just Make Someone See The World The Way You Do
No Matter How Clear Through Your Own Corneas It May Be
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i really really appreciate it
it s33ms that way
i guess it is hard for people not to assume that everyone is from their timeline
even i slip into doing that sometimes though i try to correct myself
like i was a little hesitant to approach you with this at first since in my time you and vriska used to be moirails
and broke up
and i wasnt sure if youd be very comfortable talking about it
im glad i decided to ask anyway in the chance that wasnt the case
and admittedly part of the reason im in this situation is because i didnt talk to equius sooner so i cant really hold it against him but
the whole thing gets really tiring doesnt it?
i just try not to think about it so much and take things one step at a time
but some days it just comes to me anyway
the alpha timeline
sgrub
the deaths of so many of us
and all these dumb time shenanigans
and it just really
wears me out
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Do Have Memories Of Such A Nature As Youre Inferring
A Friendly Relationship That Deteriorated By The Time We Started Playing The Game
It Was A Long Time Ago Though And I Could Never Effectively Pacify Her
I Didnt Want To Enough
Its Good To Know Theres Someone Out There Who Can
Thats What I Want
Her To Be Happy
More Than I Want To Make Her Do What I Want
That Was The Problem
Sand Youre Fortunate To Rise Beyond The Issues I Have
Had
Whatever
I Actually Had Been Separated From Her For A Very Long Time Until Her Arrival Here And Id Regretted The Terms On Which Wed Parted
But Everything Id Planned To Say
Just Seemed Irrelevant Suddenly Once She Was Clearly Still Six
Youre Not Alone In Disliking Time Shenanigans Nepeta
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it does make you f33l pretty old doesnt it :PP
i felt so gross when i looked at karkat for the first time when i arrived here and he was still six
i f33l just terrible for any and all time players when i think about all this
at least we never had to deal with that
and while there isnt much we can do about it
its nice to at least have someone to talk to who f33ls the same
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The Acceleration Of The Changes We Go Through
I Do Feel Some Nostalgia For The Straightforward Puzzle Solving Of The Game
Except It Wasnt Actually That Straightforward Since We Werent Really Allowed To Win So Never Mind
Do You Ever Think About That
Creating The Universe
Sometimes When Despair Afflicts Me I Recall The Croak Of Bilious Slick And How Glorious The Cosmic Significance Seemed At The Time
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:33 < i just kinda focused on my own tasks without thinking much about their significance
:33 < i ignored a lot of things back then really
:33 < i didnt like thinking too much about it and i felt like if i pawsed to let it all sink in id have b33n driven nuts
:33 < looking back on it now though
:33 < i dont know
:33 < i cant get over the 'why' of the question
:33 < why was it necessary to create a new universe?
:33 < especially at the expense of the old one?
:33 < it doesnt really s33m all that great to me
:33 < and i would gladly pass up the chance to create one and be a god if it meant none of us having to go through the stupid game
:33 < i dont think i ever really cared all that much fur the supposed award
:33 < i just kinda went along with things beclaws it s33med right at the time
:33 < and really it didnt f33l like there was much of a choice
:33 < i mean i guess i could have just not done my pawrt but then i would have dragged everyone down =//
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Why Our Participation Was Necessary
When In So Many Other Worlds Earth Was Created Just Fine No Thanks To Any Trolls
Sometimes It Seems Like The Virtues Of Obedience Without Questioning Are The Morals Earth Tries To Impose On Any Beings Within Her Sphere Of Influence
For What Its Worth Now I Am Glad You Did Your Part
Its Not Something All Of Us Can Say
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:33 < it just really makes you wonder all the more where the hell this game came from
:33 < and just what it really is all about
:33 < in another sense though its also a little reassuring
:33 < to know that not all worlds are subject to it
:33 < it gives hope of us never having to deal with it again
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I Want Nothing More
Its A Shame We Cant Decide Whether Or Not We Stay
From Both Sides Of The Issue
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:33 < but if and when this war ends
:33 < maybe theyll send us back where we want
:33 < purrhaps you could come to gaea
:33 < its a nice place
:33 < and not just relative to here or the veil
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Do You Think That Could Be Possible
It Doesnt Sound Like A Half Bad Idea